of june.

hello, good morning, how you do,

what makes your rising sun so new?

i could use a fresh beginning too,

all of my regrets are nothing new.

i'm learning to breathe,

i'm learning to crawl,

i'm finding that you

and you alone can break my fall.

i'm living again, awake and alive,

i'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies.

white lines and red lights.

because august has been as absolute uphill downhill nowhere everywhere rollercoaster ride, in no particular order:

karen - hey sweetie. thanks for being such a great desk partner, for your sweet letters and lyrics and talks in class. it's wonderful to have someone who understands where i'm coming from, gibberish and whatnot. you are pretty, so deal with it! wo ai ni. (:

laura - because you give the nicest warmest fuzziest caterpillar hugs. because you're my favourite drama queen. because you allow me to take unglam pictures of you stoning while eating cereal. but most importantly, because i love you like how you love me despite my retardedness. it works both ways baby. (:

rey - hey there silly. haha what can i say? thanks for being there for me, tears and everything. time and again reassuring me of myself, and for your absolute understanding. i don't know how to tell you how grateful i am for you everytime you are willing to hear me out. and i love you a lot. (:

remus - thanks for everything my dear. waiting for 11:11 with me, making wishes and staying up to play msn games hahaha. for the chicken wings too heehee. for your great care and understanding and absolute belief in me in whatever i do. heehee loves!

janice - honeybunch! i'm so glad that we've grown closer. you're an amazing and strong girl, and your cute ways never fail to make me feel better. GI Joe, airport terminals, rainy sunday and siglap macs, you make me feel so much less lonely at times and i love you so so much. (:

jason - thanks for being such a great friend. hahaha and treating me nicely although i like calling you a chicken pau. i still want to follow you to live in a castle haha! i don't have much to say, but i'm thankful for all that you've done and i love you. (:

paige - hey babe. we didn't have much time to talk these past weeks, but the bus ride home the other day meant a lot to me. thanks for listening to my boring rantings countless number of times, offering consolation and at times, plain girl talk. i love you hun (:



lights, cameras, questions. i hope september continues like the way things are now. i hope september will be even better.

hold me close.

please. don't let me feel that way.
don't ever let me feel that way.

fill these metro skies with country air;

i think i would very much like to live in a castle. perhaps a far far place away from here, off in a fairytale wish-upon-a-star setting. perfection, or almost-perfection, in its very own form; lush greenery, castles surrounded by moats, fireworks across the dark night sky, white winters and everything that you could ever imagine. exactly how you want it.

tonight feels lonely. feverish and immobile, figuring out the missing puzzle pieces and cloudy question marks that still look a bit surreal. wander down the streets, and i'll be the pavement beneath the feet. my mind wanders far from my body as recollection hits during instants of triple heart somersaults, sometimes even tripping on my own thoughts. you're a blessing i'm glad to have. one by one, i'll count all my blessings, an extra reason to smile and, i don't feel so alone.

gaga.

bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich
bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich.

1:29

"i sometimes think that people's hearts are like deep wells. nobody knows what's at the bottom. all you can do is imagine by what comes floating to the surface every once in a while."

- Haruki Murakami, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman.

it's that kind of night. tokyo blues and quiet nights, drifting in and out of consciousness; sleep coming only in packs of five to ten. rusted dreams in a diamond sky, but it's funny, really, how much is based solely on the time and anniversaries and nostalgias. equations and chemical reactions: piles of homework awaiting, summoning my ever procrastinating self; aimless looking-throughs ten times more intriguing. a lazy friday night i suppose. quiet comfort cushioned with hushed hums of the mechanisms. satisfaction comes by lying about with a blank mind, thinking of nothing and everything in particular. thoughts caught in a wild sheep chase- thinking about a matter for no more than a minute, your mind wanders somewhere else, and then foosh, you're back to square one. right where you begin-

it's that kind of night.

imperfections, freaking imperfections.

"you're not a loser in life. sometimes life just loses you."

one by one. a countdown in my head; a mental checklist. Things To Look Forward To This Week; To Do: ; I Want To Do- ; I Would Like: ; Imperfections. over and over, countless number of things run through my mind, reminding me of my being, not doing. contradictions, collected and sent out along pulselines, the thump of my heart the basso continuo of yet another, only a monotonous hum, a deep-seated regret covered inside, a silent scream, too silent, till silence screams in your ears. i close my eyes and wish for things to rewind. be careful what you wish for, they all say. and i understand now. thousands of questions invade my mind, what ifs and how comes. i fill my life with my own contradictions.

on monday, i am waiting; tuesday, i am fading.

i can hardly catch my breath,

i hope it lasts.

pink stars and magazines;

please take me away from, here.

put the record on hold,

as i pause to think of you.

finding my fragile self, caught

between the string of words,

melting slowly into the warmth of your embrace.

physicals, tangibles, no longer add up

and emotions are scarcely proportional.

i count my blessings,

then make little wishes on my 11:11.

Ange, glued and doubly stitched,

made to fit into their whims and fancies.

hold me once more,

in this intangible embrace,

fall into place,

up, up, and

away.

smile though your heart is aching-

because maybe,

you're gonna be the one that saves me;

prestofrigeration-

i want, i want, i want.
(:

Konichiwa ninjas.

welcome to the land of pretty princesses in white castles on candy coated clouds, against a florescent pink backdrop. tick tock tick passes saturday night, with dancing fireflies and 11:11 wishes. comfort zones in sleeping bags under my vanilla twilight while the earth turns slowly; fragmented thoughts, video calls, Konker the hedgehog and attempts not to yawn. pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere along with electronica, up up and away. cause i'm far too tired to fall asleep.

Smile.

the weekend was great. it felt so good to once again laugh till my sides ached, and experience the feeling of on and off high moments. to realise again what made me love them so much, and these little things that keep me going. trolley rides around the neighbourhood, and then happy lethargy that sets in at the end of the day. i wish things like these will never end.